yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
