can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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