That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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