whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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