No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
