I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
