Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize