My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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