I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
