i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
