girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
