Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
