a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
foreskin is a definite game changer
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
