if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
