I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
