and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
