theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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