im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
