I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
