I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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