U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
