The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
