i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
