You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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