i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
