I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
