Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
