listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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