Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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