I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You can't just leave with hair like that
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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