Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize