so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
