Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
