do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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