I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
