My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
