Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize