One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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