Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize