no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
