Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
