i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
