here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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