I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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