So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sorry my hands just texted you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
