Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How external is "for external use only"?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize