I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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