Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
