I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
