New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
