i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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