:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
