I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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