i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
