I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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