im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
