You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
