That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
