I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
