Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
