No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The air was thick with penises
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
