just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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