So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
