I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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