Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
