i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
