Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
