OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
