Dual....:-)
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
